Servalan

Professor Sar Passik lay on the floor on his chest, the back of his head smouldering from the burn marks the blaster bolt had left when it entered his skull. What remained of his face was burnt and melted to the floor. Vivaa stood over him, her face calm and emotionless. She looked for a few seconds at the smoke rising from the back of her victims head, she tilted her head to one side, as if she was transfixed at the site before her. Her concentration was cut short by a long high pitched scream.

“Noooo!” Ralla screamed “Father! What’s happened, what happened to my father?” she ran from the doorway the entrance of the docking bay over to where her father lay and dropped to the floor. She looked up at Vivaa with a look of complete panic and confusion.

“I shot him” Vivaa simply said.

“But, but I don’t understand, why?” Ralla sobbed, as she tried to turn her father over, floods of tears dripped of her face onto the back of her father.

“Well, because I wanted him dead, quite simple really my dear” as she spoke Vivaa raised her arm and aimed the 349.PF pistol she still had in her hand towards Ralla. One single shot later and Ralla was no longer with the living. She lay on top of her dead father, her head smouldering. Not a hint of emotion appeared across her face. The fact she had just killed a young women in cold blood, as she cried for her dead father, didn’t affect her at all. They were just problems that needed eliminating. Cold, calm and efficient, that was Vivaa, that was what she needed to be, and she did it well.

Turning away from the two bodies Vivaa placed the pistol in her leg holster and headed for the boarding ramp of the ‘Servalan’. Her new prototype star fighter, the one she had just acquired from Prof Passik.

The Servalan was a prototype star fighter designed and built by Professor Sar Passik. It had been commissioned by the Moekno Corporation, a leading corporation in state of the art Space craft. The Servalan had been outfitted with the latest state of the art weaponry and defence systems, as well as one of the fastest and smallest engines to date, for a star fighter of its size. Vivaa had taken the identity of Malst Wastendaj, a very promising test pilot employed by the Moekno Corporation. The real Malst Wastendaj was floating somewhere in the ‘Inner Rim’ of the galaxy, without a life suit or space craft. Unfortunately for her she had been intercepted by Vivaa on her way over to Professor Passik’s Design centre. Malst was to pilot the Servalan, along with the professor and his daughter over to the Moekno Corporation’s headquarters on Coruscant. Unfortunately for the corporation, the Servalan was never going to make it.

“Xakic, this is Vivaa, are you there?” sat at the controls of the prototype fighter, Vivaa was getting to know the layout of the controls. Most of it was quite basic, apart from a few control panels here and there, which she hoped Xakic Rey would have a better idea of their use.

A fuzzy barely audible voice replied back through her headset “Yeah, I’m here”

“I’m just about to leave, so I’ll be there shortly. You better be there when I arrive. I don’t want to have to come and find you a second time”

“I’ll be here Boss” replied Xakic a noticeable shake in his voice was detected by Vivaa, she knew he would be.

The Servalan lifted off the base of the docking platform, twisting as it ascended. Vivaa banked the fighter to its right, lifted its nose slightly and accelerated forward. Professor Passik’s base grew smaller in the background as the fighter moved forward. As soon as Vivaa was happy she and her new ship were far enough away from the base, she pressed a series of buttons on her wrist communicator. A tiny explosion could just be seen in the background, as the charges Vivaa had set at the base exploded.

Vivaa tapped coordinates into the navigation system of her new fighter and sat back. “Thank you ever so much Professor.“ She smiled a tiny little smile. She didn’t do it too often, but every now and again she allowed herself a tiny one.

Ok, I've just posted up a little short story. My first one here! Sorry it took me so long to create something. I know its only short, but its a start.

Its just a short story I had in my head of how my character, Vivaa aquires her prototype star fighter. Hope you like it.

I'm not great at this sort of stuff, but I try.

That's pretty cool story, Nosyd. Very short indeed but it's with time and exercice that you may begin to think you're doing great.

I would have develloped a bit more the introducing to center more on who was who.
A few descriptions of people's look would have been welcomed and a simple way of adding details. I always found that's the hardest part: choosing the details to add and those that aren't needed.

Thanks Soude. It's descriptions, like enviroments, characters and there feelings where I struggle a lot. I'll have to persevere and see what happens.

I remember when I first started writting stories (about ten years ago), I was mainly focusing on the action like "This one do this, this one do that and then they do something else". After a while I found out I was writting things with too much details, it's definatly the hardest part to find the right middle between too much and not enough.

But once more, time and many tries will help refine your style.
And as I already said, it's pretty good stuff already