Raxus Prime Freedom Fighters: Scavenger Wars

LW, you're THE man! Thank you very much for that very complete report on my work.

As for the English grammar and vocabulary mistakes, this document you did get was not fully corrected (and his stil not. ) Once you'll reach the Starship you'll find as an heavily underwork part. Couldn't forward you the latest update since it's on my computer at work. So far, I did correct the prolog, the day at work and most of the second one which has even be updated with extra details.

I'll try to answer the questions you raised in your post too.

When I started writing the Behind the Armor, it was to proove me that I didn't lost that much of English. I fastly felt reassured that I could shamlessly write good thing in English. This story is also providing background informations about my current in SWG, since I reactivated my account there.
The Scavenger Wars is not written to be a test nor to be a background too any toon since those toons aren't played anymore and the story takes place after SWG anyway. I keep on dreaming about having this story released as a canonic Star Wars story and that's why I post it here and insist on having English speaking/Star Wars fan feedback. All this is aiming at explaining why I really appreciate your doing but that was not my point... initially...

What was my point anyway? Oh! Right! Your questions

The footnotes: That's an idea I stole from Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I was hoping of adding enough to joke around and sometimes fearing to add to much to become boring. You'll may thing the humour is very close to the H2G2 but I will make a strong difference in the fact that H2G2 is non-sense characters in non-sense events and situations all this being told in a very non-sensish way. My aim with RPFF is to tell a serious story about non-sense characters in a non-sense way. So I try to keep in mind that my story should keep a certain sense of realism (that is within Star Wars canon of realism)

About my English, I'd really appreciate to have my English corrected since I'm sure sometimes I'm saying things in a French-English. If you donn't mind I'll fwd you tomorrow the corrected version. I have my pride and wanna attempt to correct it first

Who is the narrator? That's me! No big Jedi librarian reading a story to th young padawan that you're. The narrator is simply me telling a story. So in that order I'm afraid you'lll have to be frustrated about being told who's telling the story (though I can admit it out of the story ^^,)

Xeedie is actually the character of my SWG friend I'm sure she'll be upset to ear you think Xeedie's on drug. I slightly changed the toon but from her own confession: "It feels like I'm playing Xeedie in the story now." Which I'd consider as her approval. ^^,

As for the break up when I address the reader... Well, I don't think so yet I try to get myself as most as possible out of the story. I'm trying to refrain from mentionning me in the story but poking the reader is a pleasure very hard to stop using it. My aim in this is to make the story more active just like you'd be poking someone who's falling asleep. I don't want the reader to read, close the document and go on about something different. I want the reader to take the reader (or push him) into the story. When you say you keep on earing "Utini" I say "My Job's done then "
All this to say I understand it's not very subtle and sometimes disturbing to use the poking method but I like it and I think it's not used too much. As for putting it in italic or in another colour would probably end up with it being plain in view and maybe less enjoyable in a whole. What I could would be to put it in footnotes. I'll give that a look anyway.

Ratapa's special abilities will be explained later on, in the Starship you'll get a good and accurate glimpse of her lack of skills ^^,

As for the Star Wars-y feeling, it's part of the contest. I don't want to read a book for kids with funny toons. That's much more serious in my mind and I tend to make loads of reading and searching about which place, item, species to add to the story. I already said it was aimed at being a serious story and realistic therefore the amount of searching/reading made.

"Utinni!" is a rally cry with many significations. It can either be a call for retreat, for attack, a Yeepee! or almost whatever you want I should add more Utini but not on Ratapa since it wouldn't fit a Jedi General ^^, (You'll see more Jawas later for the "Utini!"

My last words will be to once more thank you. So... Cheers!!!

Sent ya the completely corrected version of it ^^, As far as i'm concerned it's perfect but it lacks a huge amount of extra work to add more and more content '^^,

T-T-T-T-T-T-TRIPLE POST!

Are those sentences correct in term of English and in term of science? I ask the question since I have no idea about that in English and I hope our youngest members know their physics lessons ^^'

Quote :

Without the ground, there was no normal force¹ applied to the droid and it was only subject to its own weight².

1: Normal force F_N is the component of the contact force applied by an object on another object; in this case by the ground on the droid.
2: Weight (W) is mass (m) multiplied by gravity (g).

Makes sense to me! (then again, I'm probably not the best person to ask )

Makes sense to me too but my lessons of Physics are years back and I'm not it's as good as it sounds ^^'

Double post to update RPFF:

Well I've updted it already on my hyper-duper-secret hideout but I'mm updating this for you... You'll find here the last updated version. Once more a .docx, if you can't read this I'll suggest downloading the beta of Office 2010 from Microsoft website.